What does it mean to take up space? For me, taking up space means showing up unapologetically as my authentic self. The opposite of that is keeping myself small.
My whole life I can remember the ways I tried to make myself smaller. As a child, I smashed down my thick, wavy hair every morning with a beanie. In college, I bought compressive sports bras and hid behind oversized sweatshirts. I didn’t allow myself to eat fat and spent hours of time on those boring cardio machines. I somehow believed if I made myself smaller, I’d blend in more. I was shy and insecure and didn’t want to stand out.
Not only did I keep myself physically smaller, but I energetically played small too. I learned at a young age to become a watcher. I waited to see how everyone else was behaving so that I knew what to do before interacting. I became an excellent chameleon. I was a shapeshifter and could conform to many different groups. I learned to lean heavily on my friends and parents when making decisions. I outsourced my power and did not learn to trust myself. I was constantly seeking approval from others and was terrified of criticism or worst of all…any kind of conflict. *gasp*
Other ways of not taking up space look like…not being able to accept a compliment, not saying NO when something doesn’t feel like a yes, over-apologizing or saying sorry when it’s unnecessary, or keeping your opinions to yourself because you don’t want to rock the boat.
I know because I am guilty of all of these!
I am still learning to reclaim my space. It is a practice. I am doing this by creating my own self-care rituals. By learning to set better boundaries. By speaking up about my needs. By learning to be more comfortable with hard conversations. By being kind and forgiving to myself.
We are all here to live as our authentic selves because that is what makes this life so wonderful. If we are all the same, that’s just boring. We are meant to speak our truth, let our freak flags fly and show up as our perfectly imperfect selves.
